Monday, Monday and other deep thoughts

Our torrential downpour/freezing rain/fog fest has lifted and Monday is proceeding in a cloudy, gray, warmer but oh-so-much-muddier fashion. This morning I could have ice skated on the driveway, and now, although it is safely thawed, my world is full of mud.  Should I rename my blog Bitching about the Weather? Sometimes I think Yes.

I've mentioned my towel fixation, and this is why:

Mr. Tucker becomes Mr. Muddy Paws on days like this, and apparently he has to pee as often as I do, which is way too often. Or maybe he just needs fresh air, like me. I should find my mud boots.
Or call the carpet cleaner and also mop the salty, muddy front hall. She said still in her pj's at 2pm.

Sunday we spent 12 straight hours sitting on metal benches and chairs at a sports center for a volleyball tournament. It helped that our daughter and her team played great and beat out 16 teams for first place. It was as much fun as those things can be, and the girls, their families and the coach are all a pleasure to be around. It's a new spin on an old story for us and we're enjoying it. So not bitching about that, except it was chilly, but they had hot chocolate so it evened things out. These girls are adorable, and their coach is such a calm, nurturing zenmaster. He named this team Zen, and he is teaching them nutrition, fitness, meditation and yoga on top of volleyball. Love him.

My daughter text hassled me all morning though, because the half of her team that didn't skip school went in late, or so she said. But I got up with her this morning and drove her and our neighbor to the bus stop at 6:30 am. It was brutal, but we're all fine. Only she has to practice another two and a half hours tonight and won't be home till 7pm, her norm three days a week. I don't know how she does it, but so many student athletes do these days. When she fusses at me I tell her she is young, she can do this! Not to mention she wants to do this. We just hope her body holds out and forgive her those cranky spells, and hope she forgives ours.

We saw a chiropractor this weekend for some aches and pains she'd been having, some growth related, some posture, some sports. The guy is very thorough, very holistic and very into homeopathic remedies, which is where I scratch the needle across the album.....

I'm not much on medicating or supplementing teens, except for immunizations and vitamins. Good genes, good diets and exercise help most things, I believe, but he was recommending this plant to alleviate growing pains, this herb for circulation and cold hands, what turned out to be a calcium supplement to promote bone growth. Here's the thing. I think the drug industry is a racket on a good day, and our system of getting drugs to the market and prescribing them is wacky, but at least the FDA tries to monitor production for quality and purity and alerts us when a wonder drug turns out to cause holes in your heart or tumors or blood clots or suicidal thoughts, or so on.

I have a level of comfort with the awful machine that gets drugs on the shelf.

But with homeopathic remedies, I don' know if I'm satisfied without actual ingredient dosages listed, or without results of double blind studies on adverse affects or reactions. I like to know what I'm putting in my body and especially into my kids. There's a reason every other body is getting sick or developing cancer, and I'm sure we don't really know what the hell we're doing, because humans can barely see past the nose on their face, past now, now, now, always being surprised at long term outcomes. Also I'm just a super cautious mom. I was a very reckless teenager, so I earned it. I asked the people at the counter what the two different strengths were for, and their answer didn't make much sense to me, just that one was for milder symptoms. Then they told me how complicated the training seminars were for the homeopathic products. Ya think? I know a little what it takes to get through pharmacy school, and I'm not sure a seminar or two is enough to recommend what dosage is best to put in your body. The bottles sure aren't specifying.

My personal list of drugs sampled is staggering. The drugs I was prescribed as a teenager for a variety of maladies - so many of them, with so little discussion or supervision - could have killed me if i were an inch dumber or more reckless, or if I didn't have a great puke reflex. Somebody should have paid better attention to what I was taking, especially me.  As a menopausal crazy older woman, I've been prescribed a lot of drugs over the years by the revolving door of primary care physicians that have paraded through our lives. I try to believe in modern medicine, I really do, but it's been a huge disappointment to me so far.  So I'm leery of the notion of a quick fix for anything ache or pain management related, especially these new offerings in pelletized and mysterious forms. New to me anyway.

I'm trying to teach my daughter to know her body, respect it and take care of it. And to remember that coffee is good for you. Or bad. Pom juice prevents cancer. Or does nothing. Ginko helps restore your memory. Or not. Alcohol helps you live longer. Or die sooner. Estrogen supplements are good for you. Or they give you cancer and blood clots. Coconut oil helps slow the progression of Alzheimers. Or not. And so on. Different studies show different results. I know. I've read them. A lot rides on who's funding the study and who's desperate for a cure. Sometimes it's all good, like aspirin from tree bark, penicillin from bread mold. Unless you're allergic, maybe. But I like knowing a drug has been through some testing, has a track record. Oversight.

People can show great health improvements for almost anything given the placebo effect, I know that too. So, what if you're a person who doesn't really believe in the power of herbal remedies, beyond needing the basic vitamins and minerals, unless they're for catching a buzz or having an out of body hallucinatory experience? What do I believe besides trying to stay hopeful, relaxing as best I can, eating less fat and cholesterol and more grains, fruits and veggies, sleeping well, hoping for luck? Or that I have to try really hard to keep my kids from equating pain relief with taking a pill or a drink? Or worse? Some of the genes we have both contributed, some going back for generations, the easily addicted kinds, they are worrisome. But I also want to be sure we fix what we can, when we need to. I don't want to see my kids suffer, so I tried to keep an open but cautious mind.  

I'm just not sure about the shiny array of overpriced products I saw at the Fruitful Yield store after our visit with the doctor. I do buy a lot of healthy and organic products and I know who sells them at a huge mark up vs. a fair price, and this place was ridiculous. I did buy two remedies, and tried to buy the rescue remedy Dr. Oz recommended, because Dr. Oz recommended it, but they were sold out to the masses like me who wish for either a rescue or a remedy in a bottle. The ones I bought turned out to be calcium and comfrey,  and I'm ok with the calcium and trying to decide about the other's claims to alleviate growing pains. Life is full of growing pains, I remember. Are we supposed to medicate those away? 

I wish so many things could be fixed or cured or alleviated with a pill, and maybe if you believe they will work, they will work. I just didn't get the optimist gene. Just the dreary realistic one and some of the easily addicted ones, which I hope I didn't pass along. She said wondering if it is really wrong to drink a glass of wine with lunch, home alone, allegedly working, in her pj's. Wishing to retire in a medical marijuana state on the days the nerve pain is excruciating. 

So I'm curious, do any of you find any over the counter herbals or for that matter, prescription pills to really work for much of anything? My experience is not so much, but it could be me. I struggle with should I encourage my daughter to think this will make things better, so she will feel better? It's complicated. It really is.

I did like the doctor, though. He recommended arch support which I believe to be problem Numero Uno for the tall one's aching backs and knees. And he doesn't want to see us for the next year, just a few visits. With lots of recommended stretches and exercises. As always, I'll keep you posted.

That's the news and the thoughts from my foggy brain and world today.

Oh, and if you managed to slog through all that density, here's a gift, a picture I stumbled on today, working on my daughter's volleyball blog. A blast of spring hopefulness. It made me happy.

And so you can hear the song too:

Chilled to the bone

First off it is dang cold here. Temperatures with minus signs in front and relentless gusting frigid arctic winds. 25 below wind chills today, the coldest in years. We also had a ridiculous ice storm.
So there's that.

Lucky for us all, the sun keeps rising.

 And setting.

And rising again.

The nights have been so crisp and clear, and one night, an icy cloud made the moon look like a nebula. I froze trying to catch a decent picture.

I think I caught Jupiter on the corner there. 

I've been chilled to the bone, which is a nice change of pace from hot flash flushed, but I'm really starting to yearn for some creature comforts lately.

I've been meaning to post, but bitching about the weather is so, so boring.

I could bitch about the inane idiocy of dealing with new Blue Cross insurance, fun stuff like having a prescription refill be denied because they decided to put this med on their excluded drugs list. I could still pay a fortune for it, but it wouldn't even go toward my deductible, which is an obscene amount of money. Hours on the phone and in person at the drugstore and on the phone with Florida Blue getting conflicting and wrong information.  Just thinking about the wasted hours is boring me. Tedious stuff.

Also tedious, my never ending series of things that have to be fixed around here.

Things do indeed fall apart- washing machines, microwaves, ovens, vacuums. I sit around another day at the beck and call of a delivery/repair/installation guy, hoping to cross one more stupid thing off my list of things that need to be fixed or replaced.

Helpful hint of the day, even though they are cute and really neat, don't waste your money on a roomba, I'm two for two for them dying a frustrating electronic death. I loved those little things too,   I felt like I had little friends helping me clean, chirping cute uh-ohs when they needed to be recharged or empty. Now they just beep the hopeless beep of obsolescence, of wasted money, and I'm back to vacuuming by myself the old fashioned way.

I've been trying to keep everybody happy and healthy here, which is easier said than done, wrangling teenagers and a tired husband. I think we're figuring things out though, life things, getting along, talking to each other, so I'm grateful for that. There have been some rough patches emotionally for me, times where I default to my fall back, which is everything is wrong and sad and broken and unfixable, and then I remember that I'm menopausal and the kids are still teenagers and life is right on schedule. Nothing is as sad or messed up as my teen years, and we've been so very lucky, so I continue to count my blessings. And pour my whiny heart out into draft posts that never see the light of day. I'm over 10% for my drafts that never get published, too dreary or true or pathetic to hit Publish. But I keep them around, they're good reminders of the ups and downs of this roller coaster ride. And sometimes, there is wisdom to be found in those unblogged posts, comfort in knowing I've felt this way before and I likely will again, but I'm OK.

And every day, the sun comes up, and the sun goes down. And I get a little bit closer to the hot, hazy days of summer, of bright light, heat, warmth. 

If you look close, you can see my Christmas tree lights reflected in the window.

Don't judge me, but it's still up, sparkling away in a cozy corner of my life.

It's really a Winter tree, since we skipped the seasonal ornaments and went with snowflakes this year.  

Prettiest tree yet. We're actually joking about leaving it up until Spring. 

Wouldn't bother me one bit. I'll take all the light I can get right now, sparkly or otherwise.

New Year Mania

Every January I get a little bit manic, making lists, resolving to do things. Nothing big like lose weight, just lots and lots of little things, life stuff.

I'm one of those people who is never caught up, never guilt free. It's always past time to go to the dentist, the dog is always overdue for his shots, the coupons I clipped to use expired last week, the car is always dinging for me to change the oil, and so on. I always feel like I'm under the pile, never on top of it. I sometimes feel inadequate, and other times defensive. I don't know that any of the other members of my family would do any better organizing four lives, five if you count the dog. Sometimes I tell myself that I could be doing a lot worse. I get most things done, eventually.

Every New Year I think I'm going to get that To-Do list under control, get caught up. Sadly,  nothing is easy in my world. I came out of the gate quickly, but I'm falling behind fast. There's just too much stuff to do, and too much stuff period. My son told me that his first semester at college taught him that the best place for most stuff is in the garbage can. That really made me laugh. He's probably right.

I started with the refrigerator. It's amazing what can get lost in a normal refrigerator, how a couple of yogurts can hide for almost a year in the back, just wasting space. It's also amazing how nobody likes to eat leftovers. I have to learn to cook exactly the right amount or throw the leftovers away.

I got all the old eyeglasses that were laying around the house - 4 people's worth - finally in the drop box at Costco. Funny thing is my eyes are changing so fast I need new glasses again already. The cycle never ends. I also dealt with those annoying but important rebates for my son's contacts, just under the wire for the deadline.

I got the batteries changed in the carbon monoxide detector that had been on the top of the dryer for two months, because I could never find the batteries, because as soon as I buy them they are gone. Kids love those double A's. Then I bagged up the pounds of old batteries to recycle that were all over the shelves in my laundry room, wondering why there isn't a better way to power things.

I finally, for the third or fourth time, refound my warranty for the washing machine so I could call for repair on a leaky gasket I've had for months, maybe a year. Miraculously, I accomplished this before the warranty expired. This required that I empty the laundry room out for the repair guy. It turns out I'm a hoarder in training. I have issues with bottles, containers and especially bags. I found so many bags - shopping bags, plastic bags, lunch bags, dog poop bags, giant delivery bags, every freaking kind of bag I've ever had, it was crazy. What exactly it is I'm planning on bagging in the future is a mystery.  It took a while to sort through all those bags and get them organized into one spot. A normal person might have thrown it all out, but I am not normal. Apparently, I have issues with compartmentalization. I like to put things in things. And if anyone ever needs a bag, I'm ready.

The cleaning out of the laundry room resulted in piles of stuff in the den: dog stuff, kid stuff, shoes, clothes, towels. I haven't finished sorting all that yet. In addition to my bag fetish, I have a thing for towels. I have towels stashed everywhere. Just in case. Usually the case is a wet or muddy dog, but this Winter's weather has been kind and dozens of towels were not required daily. I'll be rethinking my towel collection once the nice repairman comes back with the new gasket and I have to put all that stuff somewhere. I've already got two bags full for Goodwill, and I have plenty more bags to fill once I figure out what can go.

Being forced to empty my tiny, cluttered utility/mud/laundry room, really made me look at the stuff that needs to be dealt with. So much of the clutter and mess is just stuff I didn't know how to or didn't want to deal with. Decisions deferred. For years. Since yesterday, the only thing in my laundry room is the washer and dryer. I'm infatuated with that empty room, and I won't let anyone go in there, let alone put something in there. I keep wandering in though, enjoying the empty while it lasts.

So that's how yesterday went. Today, at almost noon, I decided it was time for breakfast. I opened the pantry and really looked at it. Really, really looked. It was awful. I started pulling crap out and two hours later the entire kitchen was a wreck. But I took stock, took inventory, organized, and of course, found a lot more bags. It was hilarious. What was not hilarious was how disorganized I have gotten, how many things I've bought twice, how much food was too old or expired to eat. I felt like a worthless, wasteful American. For shame.

I soothed my guilt by cooking lentils in the crock pot, making a pot of wild rice mix and baking a loaf of healthy bread. It was a weird but nutritious dinner that included some leftovers. I'll be baking a lot in the next few weeks, trying to beat the expiration date on a bag of flour I hid from myself.

I may always be behind on things, always playing catch up, but I swear, this year is the year I will always remember to take my shopping bags with me when I go to the store, and I will only go to the store when I have really checked to see what I need, and I will not save another bag, even if it has a pretty design, and I will not waste food. I promise myself. This much I can do.

I'll try to get all that other stuff done in a timely manner too, the appointments, the oil changes. But I'm serious with myself this year about the food. And especially the bags. This is the year.

The best fucking thing on the internet

This video made me stop in my tracks, get the good headset, pour another glass of wine and listen.

Lord, I'm glad I did. This is music at it's best. I couldn't be prouder to have grown up when I did, or to have had this music on a piece of vinyl in my youth. This song, these artists - part of my soundrack. I was in love with Anne and Nancy from an early age. To see them kick ass in this tribute to Led Zeppelin made me cry, it was so perfect. To have seen so many of these artists in person is a gift, and one of the touchstones of my life.

Did you see Yo Yo Ma feeling it?  The Obamas? I could barely take it in the first time I watched. Anne sang her guts out. God, I love her. And Nancy can play with the best of them.

The band, Zeppelin themselves, being moved to laughter, applause, tears?  John Bonham's son filling in on drums? Damn.  I wish I could have been in this audience too.

This is the next best thing.

Here we all are, still. Isn't it grand?

xo

For Mary, who got me to go for a walk

After a visit to Ms. Moon's place I decided that a walk was the only cure for what ailed me, even if it was only around my yard. I put on my flannel lined jeans, an undershirt, two overshirts, my coat and gloves and spent a glorious 40 minutes playing and piddling in the yard with Mr. Tucker. I guess 24 hours in the car last week had him pretty wound up. He ran around like a crazy kid, biting imaginary things in the snow and playing keep away from me.

It was cold as heck, sunny, 9 degrees, slight breeze, and by the time we were done, I'd taken pictures of anything and everything there was to photograph and filled the bird/squirrel feeders, and I couldn't feel my fingers. But I could feel my spirit coming back to life, and I left my worries and troubles behind for a little bit.


Here's what I saw:

The trees Husband and I cut and stacked Thanksgiving day. Next year's bonfires waiting.

A golf cage shredded by the wind. We should really take that down for the winter.

And the hammock too. And the volleyball net. Winter kind of snuck up on me.

But the dog didn't care. There were bunny tracks and deer poop to find.

He frolicked.

He ran in circles and made me laugh.

I saw more hearts in the snow too, this one the best.

I saw the sun and lightened up my day.

You want to see what fun looks like? And to hear the crunchy snow?

Here you go:

Then for some real fun, my daughter and I went to see Les Miserables. It was wonderful.

I'm so grateful to share things like that with my teenager, I don't expect many fifteen year olds like musicals as much as my girl. I'm so proud. We're both still singing those songs.

So thanks Mary, for getting me off my butt and out into the world. 

 I could just have easily spent the morning inside in my pj's wishing for something different.

Hope your head cold is short lived and your sunshine abundant soon.

xo