Catching up...

Hello there.

I don't have many words, just random happy pictures

to catch up since my January post.

One or two from each month I've failed to write a post.

In reverse order, of course.

It's been a busy year, full of lovely moments and life moments, some not so lovely.

Mostly all good, though.

I'm holding on tight.

If you follow me on facebook, this is mostly redundant.

Apologies :)

Deerfield Beach kiss

Volleyball fun

Lovely fall night out

Better living through chemistry :)

Oh, Wisconsin, you're pretty.

my new happy place....

Aqua-therapy

Who's a good boy?

so many sunsets...

Amy Krause Rosenthal Day 08/09/17

I was here, you see. I was.

Chicago, you're pretty too....

Nature therapy

More sunsets

Yeah, I met my internet idol, mentor and soul sister, Mary Moon. 

It was awesome.

one last trip to the mountains....

Abstract Car Wash Art

found art on long beach, ca

Hope all is well with you, blog friends.

xo

The Winter of Our (Dis)content

The title phrase popped into my head while I was trying not to think about the upcoming inauguration and the revulsion it entails. I don't think I can watch.

I knew the phrase was from Shakespeare, but forgot it was also the title of a Steinbeck novel I have never read. On the list it goes.

I'm trying to read more this year. In 2016 I managed twenty some books, one of my lowest tallies in decades. I did, however, binge watch way too many shows.

If you are interested in a page turning book, I recommend Dark Matter. I inhaled it. If you want some social commentary, Hillbilly Elegy fascinated me. The book I'm most interested in reading next is The Revenge of Analog: Real Things and Why They Matter.

If you want something to binge watch, my favorites were The Night Watchman, The Code, Goliath, Good Behavior, The O. A., Amazon in the Jungle, Sons of Anarchy, Rectify, Poldark and Westworld. I guess it's a wonder I read anything at all.

We enjoyed a sweet holiday break with both kids home for a month, and for two weeks, both their significant others with us as well. The house was alive with talking and laughing and of course drinking. We cooked and baked and did two difficult puzzles and relaxed and just enjoyed each other's company.  We purged the childhood paper and photo piles and had so many laughs and I had a few tears at the silliness and  sweetness of those crazy kids. We purged the Christmas decor piles and my son purged and painted his bedroom, which just might inspire us to keep rolling with the purge and paint program.

We survived the great stomach virus outbreak unscathed, except for my frazzled nerves keeping everyone mindful of handwashing and sanitizing every time they left the house. Our local high school had 800 students out at once, a third of them, and everyone I know with kids has gotten it, so I feel very lucky it did not cross our paths.

My beloved and incredibly annoying dog appears to be through the worst of his heartworm treatment. It was scary and painful. Mr. Tucker is a complete spazz and very easily excited and the two month treatment requires no exercise, no increase in blood pressure, complete calm to prevent embolism risk from dying worms in the heart and lungs. He collapsed ten days after the first injection, and we thought we were going to lose him, but he pulled through. We tried very hard to keep him calm, leash walking him through ice and snow, but four instances of stray dogs in the yard, and multiple delivery men made it impossible. He has spent the last six weeks on steroids to prevent an embolism recurrence and he has been insatiable for food and water, and has gained almost ten pounds. We are weaning off the steroids and hope to get a less annoying version of him back soon. It's been like having a baby again, getting up in the night to let him out, and worrying, worrying. I have spoiled him beyond repair.

I've gained back most of the weight I lost from my parasite infection, and it's a wonder I didn't gain more, thanks to the baking and cooking and eating. The dog and I have our work cut out for us when the weather gets a little nicer and my bursitis treatment gets me less hobbled. Yeah, that happened too. Neck, shoulders and now hip. What next, I wonder. But, I still have my feet as they say.

Life is too busy for us now, so much to do, so many trips coming up, both business and personal. We finally, finally sold our place in North Carolina, at an incredible loss, but we still celebrated. It was costing us a fortune to only go there twice, maybe three times a year. I'm eyeing retirement homes and know politically incorrect North Carolina is not the state for me, and a small condo with stairs is not the home I want for my later years. We have to move out fifteen years of stuff, and thank goodness they wanted most of the furniture. I'm going to miss those hills, but we are all excited about the idea of vacations in other beautiful places, and new adventures.

Speaking of vacations and adventures, Em's beach volleyball season starts in March, and we are taking a huge trip to watch three tournaments in a row, in Florida, California and Hawaii. I've never been to an island in the middle of the ocean. I'm a nervous flyer and get very physically uncomfortable after about an hour in the air, but I'm taking my Ativan and I'm going to watch our girl play on another beautiful beach.  And add more sand to the collection.

There is so much to be done that I hope to mostly ignore politics, to pretend this is not happening. My son suggested I take a break from the news because it is stressful watching me be so stressed. He is reading Howard Zinn's A People's History of the United States and is convinced we have always been mostly a mess, but always progressing, inch by inch, and that every huge step forward always swings back a bit to the conservative side. He is more hopeful that things will be OK than I am able to muster right now, but I gain hope from that. I promised to read his book, but I'm not sure it will help my mood.

So this is my Winter of Political and Social Discontent. The dichotomy of our outgoing and incoming fearless leader is stunning. The variance in their articulation, education, decorum, civic responsibility, maturity and mental stability is almost unfathomable. They both move me to tears, one from respect, the other disgust. I do not know what we have done, but it does not look good for the good guys.

But on the personal side, the home front, this is my Winter of Contentment. We are all well. I remain grateful and could not ask for more. Well maybe a few less aches and pains, and some better sleep. But otherwise, we are all good. So life is good.

Also, the violet I rescued from the hardware store sale rack in is glorious bloom.

I hope 2017 is kind to all of us. Full of love and peace, health and hugs. And some Contentment.

xo

Now what?

So much swirling in my brain, not the least of which, how could I have guessed it so wrong, how could Nate Silver himself have missed this colossal election upset? I kept reassuring all my Hillary friends that we were fine, there was no chance. It took me only a couple of hours of election returns Tuesday night to see we were all wrong. It was red, not blue's night, across the board.

I voted a mixed ticket, based on candidate experience, voting records, and did not vote for a single candidate on my ballot who didn't have some type of civic service record. I voted my conscience and my hot ticket items.  Nobody I voted for got elected. I did a lot of research and my normal type A due diligence, but I still got it all wrong.

I was literally sickened to see the election return map start to go red, so I turned off the tv.  I slept fitfully for an hour or two and woke knowing and needing to confirm. So my husband and I watched the news from 2:30-4:00 am and then decided the best way to proceed was to try and sleep because we have work in the morning and he is travelling for one of his many jobs and we are old and tired. I tossed and turned. But my brain decided to start singing Tomorrow in my head, from Annie. I could not make it stop.




That song drove me nuts. For hours. But I did nap and when I awoke, it was a sunny day, thank goodness, and my big goofy silly dog was happy to see me, and I embraced that damn song. Sang along with my brain worm, just to help drown out the despair.

I've read a lot of media today, listened to many voices smarter than me. Garrison Keilor, my blogger and facebook and news feed friends.

John Green, who I adore and respect so much.



This video clip where journalists discuss post debate issues that were being ignored, and the concerns they had about this election, and this poorly chosen candidate summed up my concerns and the true heartache of this election.



I'm worried for my cynical and disillusioned kids, with their big hearts and bright brains. What will this disconnect between their concerns and their country bring? Their votes did not count, they do not get the country they want. From what I can gather, most of what they want is good, sound and sane. Kind, inclusive, adaptive. If millennials ruled the world, this would be how election morning would have looked.





I am trying to embrace compassion and patience right now. And focus on breathing. In and Out. Gratefully. And to love the people I love and to be kind to everyone I meet.

And remembering what I said about the other party accepting the results of a democratic election. I would not have tolerated their disputing these results, so I must live by my own judgements too.

We need to listen to each other more, and get our news from the same sources, maybe.

Something.

Anything.

I noticed Hillary and Bill wore purple at her concession speech, red + blue together, one happy color of America united. Or maybe a nod to disbanding the electoral college votes to allow individual votes to count.

Let's all hope for some purple. And that this new president earns the job and title he just got elected to, with minimal pain and suffering for us all. Or that he is thwarted by Congress in the worst of his intents.

Bless all our hearts and this big dumb country, now more than ever.

xo

Trying to find the publish button.

This will either be my tenth draft post since February, or I will finally finish a babbled pile of thoughts and publish. Or just save and surrender.
Who knows?
I don't.

I keep starting posts about having nothing meaningful to say and inadequate tools to say it, that end up rambing on so long I don't even want to reread them. Hence the drafts and the silence.

So, spring was awesome, full of adventure and travel and fun. Summer was nice too, a warm busy cocoon of family and food fun and travel and hanging out, then poof, now it's fall. It's been mostly good and I've been mostly ok.

Mostly.

I started feeling sick in August. Stomach problems. Thought I had food poisoning or a bad IBS flare-up. I was tired, achy, fevery and convinced I was cancer-riddled until my Dr. tested me for parasites and c-diff. I got the lesser of the evils, Giardiasis, which I could have gotten from anywhere, really, but bad water, dirty produce or animals are the likely sources, or a door handle, a shopping cart, anywhere anyone infected touched. It took three weeks to diagnose, and the treatment is two weeks of some nasty meds that make you throw up if you drink any alcohol, plus they make your mouth taste like dirty metal and kill your appetite. Ick and Yuck.

It's not been fun, especially since I was tipping toward problem drinking this summer and the cold turkey sobriety has been very sobering. Feeling all my feelings is tedious. On the bright side, I was as heavy as I'd been since I was pregnant 20 years ago, so the weight loss is good.

Another bright side is I'm sleeping better for a change, and my hot flashes aren't as awful, maybe no wine is helping there.  A really bright spot is my compulsive hand washing and germ phobia kept me from sharing this infestation with anyone else. I did jokingly offer to infect a few friends and family who struggle with drinking and or weight, an icky in-home rehab program, but no takers.

So while I was being tired and sober and feeling all my feelings and learning how to just be without a wine glass in my hand, my sweet dog started panting a lot, and then limping. I took him to the vet, and they suspected diet, or hip problems or maybe Lyme disease. Blood work turned up heartworms.

We have been to the vet three days in a row for blood draws and xrays. I'm still in shock, and trying to steel myself for the long expensive painful journey to stop his parasite from killing him. He was on preventatives, but apparently there are some resistant strains, especially in the southeast where we camped all spring, or he threw up or didn't chew his meds or this year's mosquito armageddon got him, or who knows what the heck what. Since I bought the heartworm preventative at the vet, the manufacturer will allegedly pay the $500 fee for the arsenic injections that come after 30 days of antibiotics to clear up the comorbid bacterial infections. It's gonna be a long haul and I'll be beside myself until we are out of the woods sometime in 2017. I think I'm cried out for now, and trying to tamp down the worry. I'm striving for acceptance. And grateful things aren't worse. They could always be worse.

And then there is this dumpster fire of an election year. I can blame the meds for the bile taste in my mouth, but we know that's not the only cause. I've become obsessed with political polls and studies of the increasing polarization of our culture and the sociological implications of all this anger and division and mayhem, and the disintegration of journalism, and the paradigm effect of facebook and fox news, the loss of civility and so on. I have a secret pinterest wall where I hide all the data and charts and articles I hoard, and several draft posts looking for sense or solace in the crazy, but no.

Apoplexy seems a reasonable response.

See why I haven't written?

I could have written about all the pretty sunsets I saw this summer, or the amazing lightning storms, or my pretty flowers, or the wonderful farm stands where I found wax beans and corn that I will remember always, or my half-assed garden that gave me just enough zucchini and too many tomatoes, and a kitchen infested with gnats, but also many happy hours processing those tomatoes, and the smug satisfaction of doing something earthy and natural like growing some of my own food, even if it's only too many tomatoes. I even made lasagna, and if you've ever made it, especially starting with a basket of garden tomatoes, you know it is a labor of love. It was really good, as far as I could tell, since I can't taste for shit, but the boys told me it was amazing. I've been cooking a lot, but since nothing tastes good, I'm eating out of habit more than desire. Cooking makes me feel useful, and maybe normal. I can't wait to enjoy actually eating food again. With the occasional glass, not bottle of wine.

Anyhow..  Coulda, shoulda, woulda written something on my poor blog, but somehow, no. Maybe today is the day.

Here's some pictures, from the few on my computer, most my digital life happens on my phone now. I'm not going to even complain about my technology frustrations and fatigue, that was a whole other draft post that bored me. I sure hope I haven't bored you yet.

 This is one of so many lovely sunsets I ran out to snap a picture of before the mosquitoes ate me.

These are my favorite daylilies, Chicago Sunrise, but I think they match the sunset too.

This photo taken before we knew we were infected. 

Our little hike about did us both in, but here we are. 

Ain't he the cutest? 

I'm gonna do whatever it takes to get him healthy again, and me too.

Hugs to you all out there, thanks for all the posts that have entertained and sustained me. I'm being stingy, taking and not giving lately. Apologies. I can only try to do better.

xo

ps I have become obsessed with Tig Notaro. Catch her standup or series One Mississippi or her documentary Tig. Look her up on youtube. She's one of my new favorite people, my relativity touchstone, and my hero. I hope to be half as brave in my life.

enjoy every sandwich

I really miss Warren Zevon.

And David Letterman. He is such a gracious host.  

My kids got me an app for my phone called Soundhound. I kept asking what song I was hearing and they said there's an app for that and they hooked me up. Who knew?

When I hear something I like and want to know who it is, soundhound tells me and lets me mark favorites so I can find them later, like today.

Today. So cold and windy and harsh a day, but sunny, and I've found the spot on the couch where a cat would sit, and I start going through my soundhound favorites lists.

Dawes. Have you heard of them? I love them. This is the song I heard and had to find:

It is really a great song, especially the bit at the end with the kids. The perfect accompaniment to an afternoon alone, a wistful mood, a patch of sun and a glass of wine.

But then, the next song that autoplays on youtube is this one...

Zevon, Letterman and Dawes. Desperado Under the Eaves -  my favorite Warren song. 

I believe synergy is the word. Or Serendipity.

My afternoon is perfect now. Except I need a kleenex. :)

Enjoy every sandwich, and song, my friends. 

Thanks, youtube. And Warren. And Dave. And Dawes.

xo